I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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