Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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