i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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