Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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