just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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