i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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