I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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