Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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