Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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