I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I see more hoeing in ur future
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