I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
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I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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