I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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