Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like death gave me a hand job
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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