I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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