i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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