Well apparently he's into motor boating.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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