Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
pray to the hookup gods
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize