I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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