It's like God shit irony all over that family
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
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so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
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This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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