Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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