Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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