Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
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Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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