I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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