I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
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"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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