She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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