i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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