I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My dick has a subreddit
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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