So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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