my vag is so smooth its legendary
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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