You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
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You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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