Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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