Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
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never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
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Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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