I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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