If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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