Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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