I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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