God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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