im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
barbara walters just said penis...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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