Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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