So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
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Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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