I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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