I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Everclear isn't food dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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