Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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