I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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