but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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