I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize