I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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