no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize