If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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