I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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