You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize