i already hear my dad disowning me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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