you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize