DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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