apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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